Emily

This is not another one about
how I would like to kiss you,
how I forever and always,

Sincerely miss you; because
I is tired of acting, because
You is tired of passing, because

We are tired of writing poetry
that pleases the masses,
but leaves us feeling like asses,

For dishing out what is expected,
for speaking in a different voice
that sounds too akin to a whine

to belong to a prophet or pastor,
or someone in the business,
of delivering advice,
and receiving forgiveness.

This is not another confession.
This is a poem. About something.
A poem about politics or pedagogy

Or people, but not a person not
some arbitrary object of love
named You.

There may be pretty rhymes,
enjambs, and bits of tulle,
but do not be distracted.

There’s more to be desired
inside. Go ahead,
and unwrap this.

This poem does not care
if you muss up her hair,
and feels no shame

For setting it, or for wearing
a belt to accentuate her form.
That’s what [women] poets do.

We have the tools
for spinning letters
into fine language,

And are not afraid
to use them.
That’s what makes us crafty,

And crooked.
Beauty is essential to our strategy,
of getting you to pick up this thing

That, despite its gender, does not bend
to the feminine style, or other limits,
which do not exist.

There were no concessions made
for your taste, aside from that
brief mention of love,

Just because. Because

Emily is an ode, with brown hair
and brown eyes, and a mouth that
shouts sometimes;

To her lover, who also has hair
and eyes, and a mouth that gives
kisses to Emily.

Emily is neither sweet as pie,
nor humble as mashed potatoes,
but she is what I like,

And this is not about you.

Re: What Should I Do With My Life? (2014)

: Kayla. Please don’t be neurotic. That was just a bashful reply. We are what I’ve always wanted.

: Hey! — I saw this thing and thought of you. On a bus to Paducah, KY…

: Ow, my heart.

: That was lovely and iconic.

: There might be a part of me that loves you.

: Emotions are strange, huh? I do miss talking to you. Though, I don’t understand how I could be “everything.”

: This message was created automatically by mail delivery software. A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed: recipient@domain.com.

: k don’t know what’s local but most towns have several general practitioners to choose from and there are clinics that don’t require any appointment for care asap so no excuse better take advantage of being insurance coverage wonts always be that fortunate use it before you lose love ya dad is home if you just need to talk

: You sound quite lucid. Refer to these the next time you don’t know what to do.

: Oy, I’m sorry, gurl. I know the feeling.

: Put on some Beyonce! Some Miley! Some TSwift!

: Life takes many twists and turns and never quite ends up how we imagined it would as little girls. You have been fortunate in your endeavors, but surely it is easy to understand missing what you left behind. The unknown is what adventure lies ahead. Never forget you are a special lady. Take care.

: What a big change! That must be really difficult.

: Wow. Damn, Kayla. Well good for you. Sounds like you’re pretty grounded. I bet that was a difficult decision.

: Awesome – good for you – I’m glad you’re keeping your options open. I wasn’t completely sold on that guy. I had a crazy stalker for 2 months! That’s as close to a relationship as I’ve gotten in far too long…

: Here to talk whenever you’re ready. Miss hearing from you.

: Last night it really hit me how much the emotional distance between us changes things. I’m not connecting with people here that I want to, and I feel like there’s a gap in my social life that may take a long time to fill.

: Dear, sweet Kayla, thank you for thinking of me. I’ve secretly been reading your poems for months now. You are exceptional. I am juggling a bundle of things, but I promise to read this and write back ASAP. xoxo.

: Call me tomorrow afternoon…I didn’t even see the missed call. I think I had the phone turned off for a bit. Hey, I got an iPad!!!!!!!!!!

: I appreciate your kindly sentiments, Kayla. I plan on doing just as you’ve written, hunkering down and allowing my head to settle some.

: I have no doubt you’ll learn a lot about yourself. I know I haven’t seen my family in a year, maybe more now that I’m moving again. Just keep yourself busy. Do the things that bring you joy. Peace will come.

Shilo

Shilo belongs to a protected category of person,
the kind that must be managed so as to preserve
its natural condition, to appear unaffected by the
forces of nature, and the imprint of man’s work,
afforded at least five thousand acres for solitude.

At first brush, it seemed probable we’d be lovers.
She had me feeling all-American and free, shout-
singing: “Girl, this land was made for you n’ me”
and all other beasts of the Northern Nevada wild,
where the desert is high and dry and exposed, not
so low and wet and closed as where I come from.

“What brings you here, to these parts?” should be
easy — a basic exchange of creative nonfiction —
and I’ve heard that it gets better, but when you’re
queer and a woman probes for your preference of
parts, it’s imperative to leave the door open some,

So you say something like “Where I come from is
called the River Valley, green and fertile and deep,
with mountains on both sides, thrusting up toward
the sky. Your land has dimples and mounds in all
the right-familiar places; it reminds me of home.”

Shilo showed me the Playa in June, before Burners
came to boogie and burn, and we scribbled crayon-
portraits of each other, our busts against a backdrop
that could have passed for the surface of the moon.
She drew me in — in an extraterrestrial style — soft

-shelled egg of a head, floating on a band of gold
dust that was literally black (as her tip of charcoal)
but, for better symbolism, I remember in gold.

Aubade for What Stayed in Reno

Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are

Oh, darling one
I wish I may,
I wish I might
have that wish
we made last night,
on that bright star
neither first nor right
but fixed as it was
to the grid of light
seemed a safer bet
to count on to stay
twinkle-twinkling
than a dumb rock
in the sky, though,
not so dumb as we
who got hitched
to a deadline
not certain, as we
who bet love
on some number
of days before
the Chapel of Bells
goes under.

Oh, bright star,
would I were
steadfast as thou are,
could take your
leave-taking
with no hand
in the jar
not reaching
for crumbs
when there’s cake
right in front of me
full of butterlove
the better love,
the solid, yellow,
stick-to-the-ribs
kind of love;
with no head
under the bell
not stewing
on what you are
hanging aloft, alone
in Reno’s sour air
when there’s someone
who cares, standing
right in front of me.

Oh, sweet heart,
so soon we part
— yet, you are
still steadfast
still unchangeable
still as night
at the break of day
with eggs breaking
with sugar shaking
how can you be hungry
for lovemaking
it’s too early, too new
too much, too fast,
and too soon — yet,
I am still happy,
still over the moon
still laughing along
with the little dog,
at seeing such sport
as the dish carried
off by her spoon.

When the blazing sun is gone
When he nothing shines upon
Then you show your little light
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are.

tea glamour shot
At birth, we begin trolling
for opportunities
to demonstrate our strength:
look how tightly my finger
can grip
your forefinger.